Marriage is a Ministry

On April 10^th 2004, I stood before God, family and friends, and made my vows to become one with the man God would have as my husband. I was only 21 at the time and I didn’t understand what my position in God’s eyes would be in all of this, but that didn’t matter to me at the time. All I wanted was to please him and allow my life to finally honor him.

I can’t believe it’s been 7 years! How did I get through what seemed at times to be the most challenging seasons of my life? I can only give credit and praises to God almighty. Ronnell and I were not nearly prepared for what we would face as newlyweds, but all God required was submissive hearts and faith as we surrendered everything and allowed him to lead the way.

As I reflect back over the last 7 years, I’ve come to realize now why God honors the union of my marriage so much. It is a direct reflection of my relationship with Christ; something that I am always pursing, desiring to please and eager to excel in. Being “married” is not just a marital status but a ministry and partnership with Christ, which requires trust and obedience.

It breaks my heart to hear how our society now views marriage as a “negative thing”. I can recall some of the push back I got from friends and some family when I announced that I was getting married at just 21 years old. “Why are you doing that” or “I hope you are not getting married because you guys have a baby together” I would hear numerous times. The comments shocked me and made me wonder what the true meaning of being a Christian was to some people. You would think that people would encourage marriage since there are already so many broken single family homes these days. For me, getting married was not about trying to cover up the fact that I had a baby out of wedlock or that I had engaged in premarital sex; It was about finally being obedient to that still small voice that had been pursuing me for 21 years and yielding to the holy spirit. Christianity was more than a title I wore. It was about living a life that honored God and worshiping him through my lifestyle. So I was more eager to do something for the first time that I felt “pleased” God, and less concerned about the worldly feedback I got about “settling down” too soon and giving up worldly pleasures. God had my back and that’s all I cared about.

Whenever you ask those who have been married the question, “How is married life” the typical response is usually….”well let me tell you”, or “…it has its ups and downs but its okay”. In a sense, the negative response to this question is now the world’s expectation for marriage making less people want to do it and more people wanting out of it. Surely our response should be the opposite especially since marriage is something that God is in favor of and approves. Now don’t get me wrong, it is not as easy as the media or movies makes it seem, but with God all things are possible.

So why are couples not receiving God best as he intended in our marriages? We need a fresh perspective and realistic one when it comes to marriage and the way that God intended it to be. Hard times of course as these are inevitable because we live in a world that knows nothing but sin, however our good days should definitely outweigh out bad ones in great numbers. When people ask me, “How is marriage” I say that it is a ministry that I’ve committed to in honor of serving my Lord. The more time and prayer I put into it, the more it grows into what God sees as unconditional love and the happier I am in staying committed to it.

If you look at your marriage (like I do) as a reflection of your walk with Christ, it makes sense why some of the key ingredients for a successful marriage are: forgiveness, respect, love, joy, peace, kindness, gentleness submissiveness, humility, willingness, faithfulness, self control, selflessness and patience- sounds like some of the fruits of the spirit! With Christ as the center of your marriage, you can only fall deeper in love with your partner. Think about it like this, the more time you spend with God (in his word, praying, worship music etc…) the more intrigued you are by him and the more you want of him. So if our marriage is a reflection of this kind of relationship, then the same steps we take enhance our relationship with Christ, should be taken to maintain and grow our relationships in marriage.

So in closing today I say Happy Anniversary to my husband of 7 years and I pray that God will bless us with many more years to come. Dear God, I thank you for blessing us and teaching us how to be right for each other and righteous before thee. For showing us how to love and support each other even when we didn’t want toJ. I thank you for our two beautiful children (Jeremiah and Amber) who bring us joy that I have no words to describe and great family and friends who have supported us and continue to do so along this journey. For our Pastors and first ladies who have lived the example of having a Christ centered marriage, I thank you for placing those kind of people around us. I thank you God for the good seasons and those challenging ones too that brought about many tears and sleepless nights but you were always right there to take on the load. And lastly for drawing us closer to thee. I know that all of the latter has helped to shape and mold us into the couple we are today. We give you glory, honor and praise. And just how we surrendered 7 years ago out of obedience, we’ll continue to do so in that same faith and trust for we are servants committed and submitted to Christ!

Repentance is Painful

As I am lead in the path of righteousness, I realize that just because I said “YES” to God’s will, doesn’t mean that I am ready to walk into my destiny. When you commit to the will of God, you must go through a process of cleansing. What this means is you must first confess and  repent of your sins and be crucified of your flesh which represent all those things that are not of God; even those things that you’ve suppressed for many years, just because no one knew and you thought you were getting away with it, need to be dealt with. The truth is, God didn’t forget, and in order for him to truly use us, we must be purified, washed, and cleansed of all of our guilty stains which is never an easy thing to do.

Repentance does not feel good at all and it can be shameful and embarrassing and often times cause us to hurt some in the process. In fact it is very painful because it causes you to bring to light those hidden sins, those lies that you’ve been holding on to which in the end exposes you - and who wants to be exposed right? Exposure makes us vulnerable which leads no room for pride. But un-confessed sin and refusing to repent, leads to guilt, which leads to an impure heart. In the end it is not only necessary to repent but required if you desire to have a servant’s heart and closer walk with God. Believe me when I say that God looks at the heart of a person, so be careful on how you use the cliché “ God knows my heart” because you are right when you say that and know that you can’t fool God with lifestyles that contradict what you are confessing.

It is good to know that when we repent, God is right there to support us, and the first one to forgive us. There is no sin too great that God cannot forgive. John 1:9 reminds us that if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us of our sin and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. And all means just that A-L-L. This is a scripture that I’ve quoted every 1^st Sunday for over the last decade of my life and it is one that holds true to this day. It is amazing how years later, God will give you new perspective on the same scriptures that you’ve come to memorize and will use his word in new ways to lead you back to the alter for repentance. I love him so much for this and in closing offer my prayer of thanks... ‘Dear God, thank you for forgiveness. Thank you for grace and mercy which I never deserved but what you desired for me to have and freely give. You could have written me off a long time ago, but you decided to pursue me and you’ve never let me go til this day. Even when I wanted to let go, you didn’t. I am the apple of your eye; blessed and highly favored- your anointed child. Wow, when I really think about it, you are molding me to be flawless in you. Thank you, for loving me so much, that you would give your only son, just to have the opportunity to know me-Vicki.  I guess I am that special to you. A servant that is highly favored. And so today, I repent of my ways that are not like yours, the times that I disgraced your name knowingly and without hesitation. The times I doubted you and trusted the world’s views instead; the times I ignored your voice and searched for my own; the times you wanted to use me and I said no. the times I lied to others, talked about others, and judged others; the times I stole your praises and glory and left you completely out of the picture. The times I went after my own dreams without consulting the master; the times I put other things before you and made those material and earthly things my god; those times I had the opportunity to introduce someone to Christ but didn’t…So for every time I disobeyed your word I say “I am sorry” from the bottom of my heart.  In return I forgive myself and accept your forgiveness. Thank you for liberating me. As painful as it was to confess those things and even to the people I did them to, it feels better to be liberated than held captive by those strongholds. Now I can walk in my destiny knowing that despite all that, you will still use me.

My Valley Season

When I think of a valley, I think of a dry deserted place where people are resistant to go. A place where you thirst and hunger for more hoping to be filled. But it is also a place where your greatest worship can be offered; A place where your best praise can be exhorted; A place where MY will was SURRENDERED through perfect submission; A place where I’ve shared the most intimate moments with my creator; A place where God shared the desires of His heart with me, his servant; A place where a Servant’s heart was birthed.

I remember the day that I was lead into this season of the VALLEY. I had been feeling really weird the weeks prior and something in me just didn’t feel right. I tried to shake it off and attributed the feeling to being overwhelmed, but the way I was feeling was a way that I’d never felt before. When I think back on it, it was like I was ripped right out of my comfort zone without any fair notice. The feelings of discomfort that I felt were so overwhelming that I slowing began to slip into this dark, dark place. The atmosphere was changing and I couldn’t stop it.

My “best sleep ever” nights disappeared and I now found myself struggling to rest. Oh how I yearned for just one hour straight without interruptions from a racing mind; but that was far from me. “Lord what is happening?” I would often ask, with no response. It was like I was left alone. I felt the presence of evil so strong that I literally at some points thought I was going to lose my mind. I was hanging on by a thread and ripping at the seams. I was in the LIONS’ DEN and as much as I prayed, it seemed like I just couldn’t recover. My strength left me as well as my ability to think clearly and while all of this was going on, the only sanity I had left went to my roles of wife, mother, supervisor, daughter, sister, friend, colleague, peer and whatever other labels that society adopted me as. I did a good job at hiding what was really going on in the inside and only God and I knew, even though I felt I was in this alone.

I remember crying many nights and feeling like God was not there. Where was my God, the one that said he would never leave nor forsake me? Where was my alpha and omega? My beginning and end? My first and last? My prince of peace? I was so confused and scared and wanted relief but had none. The more scriptures I quoted the worse it got for me and I was beginning to lose hope and think that I would never come out of this.

I remember one day in particular where I was just exhausted. I was at work and felt like I was literally going to pass out. I left early and struggled to hold on while I drove myself home. Luckily it was only a 5 minute drive because anything longer would have wiped me out. I had no strength and literally thought I was going to pass out. When I made it home I immediately told my husband how I was feeling and we went to the doctor only for them to tell me that I needed to rest. I was angry with the diagnosis and wanted some medical term that would indicate what I was feeling.  Rest was far from me. I was too tired to even fall asleep so how could the diagnose me this way. I was hoping they would say anemia, low iron levels, low sugar or just something to make me feel normal. The reality is what I was going through, no doctor could diagnose; I was in a spiritual warfare and it had nothing to do with my physical state although that was the very thing that the enemy was being allowed to attack me with.

I went home that night feeling even more discouraged and not knowing if I was going to come out of all of this with my sanity. I laid down and my mind began to race like it had never done before. I ran into the bathroom, and curled into a ball in the corner of the room. I begin to cry out in my weakened state. I remember pleading for God’s grace and mercy and asking God “ Where are you?” as I sat helplessly in the middle of the bathroom floor. There I sat in silence thinking that I was defeated and that somehow God was angry with me.  Then I heard that voice that I heard in my “secret room” back in April of 2007. The voice that shook me to my very core and confirmed my belief ever so clear in the God of this universe. That very same God spoke to me and said, “ You are nothing without me, but everything with me. My strength is made perfect when you are weak”. I wept uncontrollably and had an “ah ha” moment. This was all part of God’s perfect will for my life. He had lead me to this valley and I was at a point where I needed to either accept His will or choose my own.

I allowed my spirit to take in all that was being said to me and my spirit responded with a simple ‘Yes Lord’. It was the perfect submission. I was submitting to God’s will during a time when I was weak and the natural tendency for me would have been to give up. It’s like God was telling me that accepting His will for my life would cost me some things—and my pride and strength were the big ones.

In my yielded state I began to quote all the scriptures I knew by memory that would confirm that I could accept God’s purpose for my life: “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me (Phil 4:13) . I am more than a conqueror (Rom 8:37) No weapon formed against me shall prosper (Is 54:17). He will never put more on me than I can bear ( 1 Cor 10:13). I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Phil 3:14).”

From that day forward, I have been in the Valley season of my life. Although it hasn’t been easy, I have learned to accept God’s will no matter what the cost. One of the key ingredients for survival is Trust and Faith.  See, I’ve decided that my salvation means more to me than anything in this world and I’m determined to live a life that will bring glory, honor and praise to God and I take that seriously!  What God did on Calvary over 2,000 years ago was just for me and although I can never repay Him, I can try to show my gratitude by living a life in honor of his name.

It’s not over yet nor has it gotten better (if I were to look at it from a circumstantial point of view), but I can say that I’ve learned that the Lord will fight for me, and I need only to be still (Exodus 14:14). I don’t know how long I’ll be in this season, but I will still glorify God and be content in the state that I’m in. In the end I know it will be a greater testimony which I look forward to telling.

If the Lord has brought me to it, he will bring me through it, and until then, I will continue to be encouraged through Psalms 23, “ The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside the still waters.  He restores my soul. He leads me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the VALLEY of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” 

The VALLEY: PREPARATION FOR MY DESTINY

Trust and Obey

Who would have ever thought that a song I grew up singing in Children's Church would have so much more value and meaning to me years later in my adulthood? God is so amazing at how He begins the process of shaping us into His Own at very early stages in our life. I am a witness that growing up in a Bible based Christian church makes all the difference when it comes to discovering who you are in Christ; and if you are not in one now, I pray that you begin the search sooner than later.

The song that I was referring to earlier is Trust and Obey. I find myself uttering its lyrics at random moments of the day, and only God would know to place those words on the center of my heart at just the right moments.

Today was kind of challenging for me. Before approaching God with my typical response to life's unfairness, with questions of "why..." I felt my spirit singing these simple words: Trust and Obey, for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey." My attempts to complain became silent moments of worship and right at the privacy of my work desk. I began to smile and thank God for Joy and confirmation that I was in His will. I had to encourage myself by singing the entire hymn of Trust and Obey.  If you've never paid attention to the lyrics, I hope you find the same peace and solitude that I found and these very same words:

When we walk with the Lord

In the light of His word,

What a glory He sheds on our way!

While we do His good will,

He abides with us still,

And with all who will trust and obey.

Trust and obey, for there's no other way

To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

Not a burden we bear,

Not a sorrow we share,

But our toil He doth richly repay;

Not a grief or a loss,

Not a frown or a cross,

But is blest if we trust and obey. 

But we never can prove

The delights of His love

Until all on the altar we lay;

For the favor He shows,

For the joy He bestows,

Are for them who will trust and obey.

Then in fellowship sweet

We will sit at His feet,

Or we'll walk by His side in the way;

What He says we will do,

Where He sends we will go;

Never fear, only trust and obey.

See I've decided to follow Jesus and I may not always understand why God chooses to direct me down certain paths but I pray that my Lord will give me the strength and wisdom to accept His will no matter what it takes.

Yes, Lord!

Exodus 14:14 has been my peace since the start of 2011.  It says, “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Right now I’m in a season of preparation.  God is preparing me for my place in His will.  Knowing this, the enemy is throwing everything he can at me to discourage me from moving forward…yet in obedience, I am still.  I place my hand in God’s hand and allow Him to fight for me.

Although I have some very hectic days, God has given me peace.  In my spirit I know that God is about to birth my true destiny.  Being exactly where I am at this moment is the foundation of it all. It’s where my training for my calling is taking place.

Even as I write this, I can hear God whispering “…do you trust me?” and like always my answer is “Yes, Lord.”

Welcome to "A Servant's Heart"

I’ve always wondered why I was created. What were my heavenly Father’s true intentions when He designed and fashioned me? After 28 years, I’ve come to realize that the answer is simple… “so that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection” Phil 3:10. So I have vowed to serve my Lord with all my heart by honoring Him through the life I live. It doesn’t matter what people may think that I’ve lost by doing so. I look at what I’ve gained, which is far greater. Through my blogs, I hope to take you on my journey of discovering all that God has for me and how you too can experience true joy and peace by surrendering your heart to Christ and saying “YES” to His will.